Monday, May 28, 2012
Talking about women with Raymond Lam, a gentleman so popular among females, I just fear he has a bias on reporters, thinking that we're only interested in his rumors. Results, I wasn't disappointed. Although not considered eloquent, at least hit the target with one arrow. I directly asked him: "Do you think you understanding women?" He thought for a moment, then answered: "I don't understand. Bottom line is men and women are from two different worlds. The purpose is defeated by the difference in values of the two sexes. What she thinks, the best I could do is take a guess."
20 years ago U.S author and relationship counselor John Gray introduced the theory "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus" (a book published in 1992). Taking young readers into account, we give an overview of this book. Raymond Lam has never read this book, but what's interesting is his views are similar to the conclusions and rationales made in the book.
4 Lessons by LF
#1 Raymond: "When a guy or a girl meets someone they like, they would be caught off balance, heartbeat increases rapidly and unable to communicate or function normally."
Raymond has excellent people relations with those in the industry, which is probably because he's friendly and well-mannered. In reality, due to his proficient Mandarin, Raymond debuted as a TVB8 on-location reporter. All along, whenever he speaks, he would melt fans' hearts and make them scream enthusiastically. Although Raymond is used to seeing big events, he admits when he encounters someone he likes, he starts stuttering: "I think that's a normal reaction for any man or woman when they encounter such situation! In fact, back when I was still in school, whenever I meet a girl that I had feelings for, I would immediately turn really shy. Perhaps it is because I was in an all-boy school." Raymond added and said he has never been a shy boy, as he does not hesitate to participate in the school's singing contests and have no problem performing before a large audience. John Gray said: "All men and women have an equal need for love".
#2 Raymond: "When a man and a woman come together, no matter how their personality or views differ, there will definitely be something in common hat can attract him or her."
When love is in the air, an invisible red string will tie two people together. Some people discover a "concave and convex" mechanism can unite two people together, but the problem is that 'concave' and that 'convex' person's shape can't be too far apart. That's why Raymond said: "Correct, men and women bring two types of different structures, but there will definitely be one common area that could create that magnetic field." That's right, different structure, but the same material, Raymond continues: "It is even more rare to meet a person, in which you and her could balance each other out."
John Gray says: "Men feel loved if their efforts at giving are appreciated; women feel loved according to what they receive." Women, please be more frank and just tell what is it you want, then men will know what to give you. However, the biggest problem is women usually don't know what they want, and the men often believe they have contributed a lot. Raymond: "I am a contradicting person. I like to take care of people, but at the same time I long for someone to take care of me." In this aspect, Raymond can relax because women are naturally born to look after others, John Gray points out: "A woman's instinct is to look after others, even if it means sacrificing herself."
#3: Raymond: "I once had a relationship where we broke up due to understanding issues."
[When] couples break up, in many situations it is due to the long-term consistency of quarrels. A couple learns more from each other through quarrels and eventually end in a breakup due to having more understanding. Raymond says from his personal experience, stressing he doesn't understand women: "I can't even fully understand myself yet, how can I understand others?"
John Gray says: "When the needs of love are not fulfilled it is easy to have our feelings hurt, for which we blame our partner." When a pair of lovers quarrel, the man has a different view on the word 'love' than the woman and both parties have their own methods to express it.
John Gray: "In a relationship, a woman needs to feel that her needs are attended." After comprehending this point, it is the same as Raymond's song Change the Way to Love You. Use some practical forms to express the love, such as giving flowers or small gifts to tell the girl how much you care for her, don't just say you want to break up.
#4 Raymond: "It is not necessary to change yourself for your lover."
I think, based on Raymond's experiences in love, he can share a lot more tips to how two people of the opposite sex can get along. He said: "Going back to the basis of love, two people are in love because they attract one another. It is because of the initial most attractive part of you, that you are with that person, so we shouldn't change ourselves just because of small quarrels. On the contrary, a man and a woman need to communicate, and understand either other through communication. If there is limited understanding, then use forgiveness to resolve the problems."
John Gray's advice is a little more accurate: "Each should make small changes to their behaviors and communication towards the other, but without compromising their own true natures." John Gray agrees women should not try to change men, "Women must have faith in men's abilities and best efforts to fulfill their needs, avoiding trying to change or control them. When men and women are able to respect and accept their differences then love has a chance to blossom."
According to Raymond's theory, right timing will naturally bring two similar or two opposite people together, but Raymond belongs to the men in the entertainment circle. Seems like it be hard for him to encounter a woman from the outside world. As an artist, your every move can attract either positive or negative criticisms. Raymond said: "Do artists have to just live on the set? Absolutely not, I will not give up on a normal social life just because of negative reports. What is so strange about making friends of the opposite sex? I am very much afraid of staying in the same place for a long period, just know about my own career and clueless about the outside world." Raymond discloses the qualities he hopes the girl he likes has: "I like a clever girl, but I hope she'll be willing to be the woman behind me, helping me handle everything in life because I'm already busy enough with my acting career."
Source: JMEN Magazine Issue #35 (Scans Courtesy of Phoebe @ Weibo)
Translated by: aZnangel @ AsianEU Forum
Labels: Raymond Lam 林峰